-Do you know where that line comes from in the anthem long associated as being the theme song of the U.S. Marines? During what became known as "The First Barbary War" Stephen Decatur led U.S. ships into the harbour of Tripoli, on the north coast of Africa, to blow up the captured U.S. naval vessel [it is worth noting that the U.S. Navy was actually established in response to what was known as the Quasi War with France in 1798, peeled out of the Department of War] USS Philadelphia. The encounter led to US Marines storming the coastal city of Derna and raising the US flag for the first time on foreign soil. The Barbary Pirates sued for peace.
-The Barbary Pirates, also known as Corsairs, were pirates and privateers who operated with relative impunity from ports on the north coast of Africa, harassing major European trade flow through the Mediterranean. Descendants of the Berber tribes, from whence they got their name, they captured ships over some 300 years. Among the most famous were the Barbossa brothers (for anyone with kids who has seen Pirates of the Caribbean, these guys - synthesized into one - were transplanted to Johnny Depp's neighborhood through Hollywood's creative license). The Barbary Pirates reign of havoc peaked in the mid-1600s, as European navies were built, compelling peace forcefully on the Barbary States.
-Fast forward to yesterday's news headlines, in which 4 Americans, sailing off the eastern horn of Africa were hijacked on their boat, the Quest, and ultimately killed by Somali pirates. The 4, who had been sailing in a race in the Indian Ocean (while sailing around the world, toting bibles in a missionary program) were seized by pirates and ultimately killed after pirates had fired an rpg (rocket propelled grenade) at the US naval vessel trailing the hijacked boat. The pirates were then seized, 4 killed, and 12 taken into custody.
-Could this tragedy have been averted?
-There are currently some 600 odd "hostages" in land on the Somali coast - principals in a renewed spate of vessel hijacking going back 10 years now (a result of the anarchic situation in Somalia itself for the past 20 years - see Black Hawk Down). Civilized powers have had limited success in stemming the acts of violence and piracy by devoting a large number of naval vessels and man-hours to patrolling the transit lanes in the Indian Ocean and Gulf of Aden. That limited success is best illustrated by the 50 something reported attacks perpetrated by Somali pirates already in 2011 .
-Roaming and patrolling these waters in an attempt to snuff out all high sea crime is literally impossible. Ensuring the safety of all shipping traffic is like finding the proverbial needle in the haystack, which begs the question, why do we allow the pirates to continue to travel the seas as they do? Our navies behave like eunuchs hamstrung by sovereign courtesy which only runs one way. Somalia's first secretary to the United Nations, Omar Jamal, expressed his regret: "I do express a deep condolence to the families". Fat lot that does. He is a puppet figure for a puppet government which can no more move its limbs than those of a marionette without a handler. Mogadishu does not police itself, let alone, the 9mm people spread over some 246k square miles.
-Wouldn't it make more sense to once again engage the burning ship strategy of Stephen Decatur, though in analogy only this time? A united world under American, French, British, Chinese and Russian (etc) forces in coordination could torch the coast of Somalia, setting example for and fire to those would-be pirates. There would most certainly be sacrifice here but the continued lack of a real response only encourages these miscreants to continue their actions, risking further life and property.
-I think we have learned what appeasement results in. Pounding the table does nothing, as there is no one on the other side with the authority to listen. In this case force must meet force. It is time to resurrect the ghost of Stephen Decatur and burn the shores of Somalia, as we did on the Barbary Coast. "From the Halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli".
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Small, but Insignificant
-What does it say about your nation and its place on the world stage when protestors cannot even find a "square" to congregate in, but rather are forced to rally at a traffic roundabout. In Cairo as we have all witnessed in recent weeks, Egyptians gathered in Tahrir Square and were ultimately successful in forcing their despot, Mubarak, to flee. Chinese protestors will, forever, be frozen in time (at least one solitary protestor) standing in front of the tanks, though ultimately unsuccessfully, in Tiananmen Square. Famously, in 1917, Russian workers massed in Red Square to overthrow the White Government, having previously joined in the overthrow earlier in the year to overthrow the Tsar.
-Many other squares have featured prominently in the history of revolution. Some post fact in memorial but many others as flashpoints for the movement from unrest to overthrow. The Plaza de la Revolution is Havana celebrates Castro's déposing of Batista's corrupt regime. Place de la Concorde is where the Republique was born and where quite a few lost their heads - literally. Azadi Square holds the infamy in our nation's history as the place where Iranian students began their march to the overthrow of our puppet, the Shah.
-These are a few examples of key real estate marking the beginning of struggles for causes, some right, some wrong. Whatever the case, the ability of masses to rally together and create a nucleus in a large open space is key. Momentum, as defined, is the product of the mass and velocity of an object. A square gives that mass the ability to create velocity, like a runway for a plane. The greater the mass, the greater the velocity, and as we know the lesser the ability to control the outcome.
-So, what happens in a country like Bahrain? The population is 1.2mm but 600,000 odd are non-nationals, in the former of foreign labourers. The country is the roughly 3.5X the size of Washington D.C. (385 square miles). It is, however, a very strategically important country. It has a causeway to Said Arabia and a southern port which is restricted as it holds the U.S. Middle East Operations Force, including the U.S. 5th Fleet. The country houses the headquarters of many global corporate behemoths and has generally been viewed to be stable ally to the west in the hostile see that is the Arab world.
-The dominos, though, have started to fall across the region. First Tunisia, now Egypt, next Yemen, next Bahrain, Syria, Algeria, Saudi Arabia? Once put into motion, the wave of discontent is difficult to halt, like a surging tide over a breakwater. Enough force behind it and the wave creates a flood.
-What happens though, if you are Bahrain? There is no significant square, as such. Protestors have this week massed at a traffic circle: The Pearl Roundabout. While their cause and belief may be earnest (the conflict is, in case you do not know, based on under representation of a Shiite majority in a country ruled by a Sunni King), how can we take a revolution seriously that begins at the junction of the King Faisal Highway, Suwaifiyah Avenue, Road No 5102 and the Sheik Khalifa Bin Salman Highway. 4 roads to nowhere (A Talking Head's song?). How much momentum can gather running around a circle?
-My 3 year old runs around in circles, fomenting all kinds of chaos, but in the end a swift spanking or a bottle of warm milk and he is down, peacefully. Good luck , Bahranians, or at least good night.
-Many other squares have featured prominently in the history of revolution. Some post fact in memorial but many others as flashpoints for the movement from unrest to overthrow. The Plaza de la Revolution is Havana celebrates Castro's déposing of Batista's corrupt regime. Place de la Concorde is where the Republique was born and where quite a few lost their heads - literally. Azadi Square holds the infamy in our nation's history as the place where Iranian students began their march to the overthrow of our puppet, the Shah.
-These are a few examples of key real estate marking the beginning of struggles for causes, some right, some wrong. Whatever the case, the ability of masses to rally together and create a nucleus in a large open space is key. Momentum, as defined, is the product of the mass and velocity of an object. A square gives that mass the ability to create velocity, like a runway for a plane. The greater the mass, the greater the velocity, and as we know the lesser the ability to control the outcome.
-So, what happens in a country like Bahrain? The population is 1.2mm but 600,000 odd are non-nationals, in the former of foreign labourers. The country is the roughly 3.5X the size of Washington D.C. (385 square miles). It is, however, a very strategically important country. It has a causeway to Said Arabia and a southern port which is restricted as it holds the U.S. Middle East Operations Force, including the U.S. 5th Fleet. The country houses the headquarters of many global corporate behemoths and has generally been viewed to be stable ally to the west in the hostile see that is the Arab world.
-The dominos, though, have started to fall across the region. First Tunisia, now Egypt, next Yemen, next Bahrain, Syria, Algeria, Saudi Arabia? Once put into motion, the wave of discontent is difficult to halt, like a surging tide over a breakwater. Enough force behind it and the wave creates a flood.
-What happens though, if you are Bahrain? There is no significant square, as such. Protestors have this week massed at a traffic circle: The Pearl Roundabout. While their cause and belief may be earnest (the conflict is, in case you do not know, based on under representation of a Shiite majority in a country ruled by a Sunni King), how can we take a revolution seriously that begins at the junction of the King Faisal Highway, Suwaifiyah Avenue, Road No 5102 and the Sheik Khalifa Bin Salman Highway. 4 roads to nowhere (A Talking Head's song?). How much momentum can gather running around a circle?
-My 3 year old runs around in circles, fomenting all kinds of chaos, but in the end a swift spanking or a bottle of warm milk and he is down, peacefully. Good luck , Bahranians, or at least good night.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Bully: American Politics
-Is anyone else bored with the state of affairs? Democrats and Republicans, Blue Dogs, Tea Partyists. All flavors of the same tired partisan gridlock. While there are no less than 50 current "parties" in the United States, many of them are local parties focused on state or local issues. -Have you ever heard of the Alaskan Independence Party (clearly from Alaska), the Aloha Aina Party Hawaii), the Blue Enigma Party (Delaware), The Rent is Too Damn High Party (New York), the Marijuana Reform Party (no, not California for all of you who jumped to that conclusion, but rather New York), the United Citizens Party (South Carolina) and the Liberty Union Party (Vermont).
-I have no idea what any of the above mentioned parties stand for (well that is not 100% true: I can guess at what the "rent" and "marijuana" parties are fighting for, but have no idea what the Aloha Aina Party does, except maybe to lobby for Luau's). What I can tell you is that both the Republican and Democratic parties have become nothing more than a conglomeration of special interest representation. They do not represent "the people" or even the people in their respective parties or constituencies. They represent themselves. The machines of replenishment which refill their individual party coffers and ensure that their members get re-elected, which, in turn, further defends the status quo.
-From time to time a movement will erupt within a party which threatens to change the course of that party. Today, the Republicans have the Tea Party group. They represent a movement for generally smaller government and lower taxation, largely in response to the taxpayer bailout of the 2008 near crash.
-Goes to show what those idiots know. Supporting smaller government and lower taxation are most certainly along the guidelines intended as principles of the first American government as established by our founding fathers (taxation being, as most of you know, a catalyst issue for the initiation of our struggle for independence - actually the battle for the elimination of taxation without representation). However, for a party to be so ignorant of the near catastrophe with which the United States, and the world, was confronted and to assume that the bailout was a mistake, is naive. When your espoused leaders are Dick Armey, a long time Texas tripe, and Sarah Palin, a flash in the pan, wish she would go back to Alaska and do what she does best (raising her kids, oops, and snow shoeing) ; one should wonder what the party participant's decision making process really is.
-As a matter of fact, 80% of Tea Partiers polled (as usual, no one called me to get my opinion, funnily enough) view themselves as Republican. Shocker. Big government, huge entitlement Democrats don't fit the bill?
-Not to only pick on the Republicans, the Democrats have their fan base: Progressives (a stem of the old New Left movement), Libertarians , Blue Dogs and others. Both parties are in effect, a coalition of a broad group of constituent followers bound under a larger banner or label (if this was Europe, and thank God it is not, we would have some 1500 parties trying to weave a perpetually impossible coalition government, and gridlock, as bad as it is now, would wind up looking like the 405 on a Friday afternoon.
-In the previous days of our nation's history, there were some parties of promise, not locked into complete intransigence as the elephant and the donkey now are. Whigs and Federalists, Progressives, and my all-time favorite, the Bull Moose Party, all washed through the system addressing different period issues, and ultimately getting absorbed into the 2 behemoths which became Democrats and Republicans. In the course of doing so , they lost the bulk of their purpose or cause (in some cases becoming superfluous to what they were originally founded for - the Bull Moose, for example, was Teddy Roosevelt's attempt to return from safari in Africa and rest the Presidency back from his protégé, Taft).
-Nowadays, using a Pew Research Center, only 36% identify themselves as Democrats and 27% as Republicans, leaving 37% who identify themselves as affiliates of other parties or independents. Those independents have been the subject of great focus in the last few elections, swinging left or right like leaves in a prevailing breeze. The question is: are they best served by jumping into bed, in one election or another, with the decrepit and tired parties.
-Shouldn't the independent vote in this country amount to more? Is there some leadership still out in the wilderness willing to embrace change, real change. Not Obama, dyed-in-the-wool waiver to get re-elected change, but the kind of change which will address the issues we need tackled head on with no regard to tabloid journalism, the lack of intelligence of the masses or re-election? I can only hope.
-If not, bring back the Bull Moose Party with a motto of "Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick".
-I have no idea what any of the above mentioned parties stand for (well that is not 100% true: I can guess at what the "rent" and "marijuana" parties are fighting for, but have no idea what the Aloha Aina Party does, except maybe to lobby for Luau's). What I can tell you is that both the Republican and Democratic parties have become nothing more than a conglomeration of special interest representation. They do not represent "the people" or even the people in their respective parties or constituencies. They represent themselves. The machines of replenishment which refill their individual party coffers and ensure that their members get re-elected, which, in turn, further defends the status quo.
-From time to time a movement will erupt within a party which threatens to change the course of that party. Today, the Republicans have the Tea Party group. They represent a movement for generally smaller government and lower taxation, largely in response to the taxpayer bailout of the 2008 near crash.
-Goes to show what those idiots know. Supporting smaller government and lower taxation are most certainly along the guidelines intended as principles of the first American government as established by our founding fathers (taxation being, as most of you know, a catalyst issue for the initiation of our struggle for independence - actually the battle for the elimination of taxation without representation). However, for a party to be so ignorant of the near catastrophe with which the United States, and the world, was confronted and to assume that the bailout was a mistake, is naive. When your espoused leaders are Dick Armey, a long time Texas tripe, and Sarah Palin, a flash in the pan, wish she would go back to Alaska and do what she does best (raising her kids, oops, and snow shoeing) ; one should wonder what the party participant's decision making process really is.
-As a matter of fact, 80% of Tea Partiers polled (as usual, no one called me to get my opinion, funnily enough) view themselves as Republican. Shocker. Big government, huge entitlement Democrats don't fit the bill?
-Not to only pick on the Republicans, the Democrats have their fan base: Progressives (a stem of the old New Left movement), Libertarians , Blue Dogs and others. Both parties are in effect, a coalition of a broad group of constituent followers bound under a larger banner or label (if this was Europe, and thank God it is not, we would have some 1500 parties trying to weave a perpetually impossible coalition government, and gridlock, as bad as it is now, would wind up looking like the 405 on a Friday afternoon.
-In the previous days of our nation's history, there were some parties of promise, not locked into complete intransigence as the elephant and the donkey now are. Whigs and Federalists, Progressives, and my all-time favorite, the Bull Moose Party, all washed through the system addressing different period issues, and ultimately getting absorbed into the 2 behemoths which became Democrats and Republicans. In the course of doing so , they lost the bulk of their purpose or cause (in some cases becoming superfluous to what they were originally founded for - the Bull Moose, for example, was Teddy Roosevelt's attempt to return from safari in Africa and rest the Presidency back from his protégé, Taft).
-Nowadays, using a Pew Research Center, only 36% identify themselves as Democrats and 27% as Republicans, leaving 37% who identify themselves as affiliates of other parties or independents. Those independents have been the subject of great focus in the last few elections, swinging left or right like leaves in a prevailing breeze. The question is: are they best served by jumping into bed, in one election or another, with the decrepit and tired parties.
-Shouldn't the independent vote in this country amount to more? Is there some leadership still out in the wilderness willing to embrace change, real change. Not Obama, dyed-in-the-wool waiver to get re-elected change, but the kind of change which will address the issues we need tackled head on with no regard to tabloid journalism, the lack of intelligence of the masses or re-election? I can only hope.
-If not, bring back the Bull Moose Party with a motto of "Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick".
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day
-Is there any more ridiculous holiday than Valentine's Day? Naked cherubs and bows and arrows. Gangster massacres. Greeting card company heaven.
-My daughter loves this day and, yes, I get her, specifically, a box of some crappy chocolates, as the box is more important than the contents at her age (truth be told, my wife gets it for me). My boys could care less, though they write and give out their completely ambivilous and mutli-sex cards, so no one in their classes in left out. They have no idea, at their current ages, of the angst they will cause some girls in year's to come (and will have inflicted upon themselves as well) as they wait hopefully for a missive from one or another of my boys.
-This stretch of the year should better be known as the "throw away" holiday stretch. From Valentine's Day, for which there is, of course, no day off, to St. Patty's Day, which is merely an excuse to drink (and celebrate a guy who drove the snakes from Ireland - is that really worth celebrating?). -This holiday is all about collusion. The greeting cards companies, the chocolatiers, jewelry retailers (the cheap ones at least - you know the ones who advertise on television) and the restaurant owners get together to make (sexist input here) every man's life a living hell today. Maybe we should form a "player's association" and sue for a new collective bargaining agreement in which we agree to be nice a couple times a year, spontaneously taking our love interests to dinner or buying them a gift or two, but eliminating a specific date on which we have to pay for overpriced roses or stupid prix fix menus.
-Maybe cupid will just hit me with an arrow and put me out of my misery.
-That said, to my wife, I love you and do not need today to show you that.
-My daughter loves this day and, yes, I get her, specifically, a box of some crappy chocolates, as the box is more important than the contents at her age (truth be told, my wife gets it for me). My boys could care less, though they write and give out their completely ambivilous and mutli-sex cards, so no one in their classes in left out. They have no idea, at their current ages, of the angst they will cause some girls in year's to come (and will have inflicted upon themselves as well) as they wait hopefully for a missive from one or another of my boys.
-This stretch of the year should better be known as the "throw away" holiday stretch. From Valentine's Day, for which there is, of course, no day off, to St. Patty's Day, which is merely an excuse to drink (and celebrate a guy who drove the snakes from Ireland - is that really worth celebrating?). -This holiday is all about collusion. The greeting cards companies, the chocolatiers, jewelry retailers (the cheap ones at least - you know the ones who advertise on television) and the restaurant owners get together to make (sexist input here) every man's life a living hell today. Maybe we should form a "player's association" and sue for a new collective bargaining agreement in which we agree to be nice a couple times a year, spontaneously taking our love interests to dinner or buying them a gift or two, but eliminating a specific date on which we have to pay for overpriced roses or stupid prix fix menus.
-Maybe cupid will just hit me with an arrow and put me out of my misery.
-That said, to my wife, I love you and do not need today to show you that.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Customer Dis-service
-My wife and I bought a new washing machine this week. As appliances go it is about as sexy as a vacuum cleaner, which sucks. It sits , as it does in most houses, hulking in some utility room or closet. It serves a useful function (as I have over the years worked with plenty of guys who clearly don't know what one does. Then again, they also clearly don't know what shampoo or soap does either). It serves as the wet portion of the eraser of the day's highs and lows.
- As such, I'd like to introduce my oldest son to the washing machine. He knows where it is, but seems to think it is magic not a machine that the dirty clothes he drops in the dirty laundry divider (not often successfully, as he, and his 3 siblings seem inexorably to have difficulty understanding the separation of whites and darks) which ensures his clothes come back to him clean, folded and fresh (again, I am not fully convinced he notices that the clothes are folded or fresh and not sure he cares). On some days, I'd like to make sure my son even knows that changing his clothes is something civil human beings do. He has been frequently known to wear his pajamas underneath the clothes he wears to school, as it saves him time in the morning - not having to shed a layer before adding a layer. He even, a couple of nights ago, was proud to announce that the pajamas he was wearing under his sport coat and shirt were the same ones he had worn for 3 days (I cringe to think of this when considering the time and effort my wife goes to get his laundry done). Eldest son, washing machine. Washing machine, eldest son. Good to meet you both.
-Civility in changing one's clothes, though, is not possible when one does not have a working washing machine, which leads me to "dis-service". My wife and I use local merchants where we can. We do not feel the need to go to some big box, no brain chain. Stores where the "salesman" are really no more than dogs wired to a bell. Ring the bell and they "scratch". Where they know nothing about the product they are selling and will tell you anything you want to hear to make "a sale". Where you get exactly what you pay for: nothing but the tin box you are buying and a hope that there is no mechanical issue which c ould cause you to need "service".
-We go to the local merchants because they, in theory not always in application, take a measure of pride in their service of the community and customers to which they are selling. They understand their inability to offer the absolute lowest dollar (on the basis of uncompetitive volume purchases relative to the big box) will garner customers on the basis of their ability to be an asset to those customers. My dry cleaner is one such local business as is the book store and the stationer ' s. One which is not is the appliance store: County TV and Appliances in Stamford, CT for those of you wanting to avoid an open sore on the face of consumer friendly retailing.
-My wife and I have been back from London for a little over 5 years now (London the land of no customer service). In that time, we have had 2 washing machines. We have had those 2 washing machines serviced 10 times due to mechanical failure (yes, count them, 10 times). The first machine was replace under warranty on the 7th fault. County and Whirlpool admitted: "it was a lemon". We took the credit, paid up, and bought yet a "better" Whirlpool from County (that is County TV and appliance in Stamford. CT for those of you might have missed it the first time) . This week, after just over a year, we called for service on the second machine for the 3rd time. The problem was that the machine turned on, made a "whirrrr" sound and nothing else. No washed clothes. No nothing, but a strange noise.
-We called County (TV and Appliance at 2770 Summer Street, Stamford, southeastern Connecticut) . They offered to send out a service man in a week or so. [ If you have 4 kids and live in suburbia, a week or so is approximately 23 trips to the laundromat - which I believe my town of Camelot actually has, though I have no idea where it is ] . We fortunately remembered their o-so-speedy service and had our own "certified" service company in hand who rushed out only to tell us that a "large part" needed to be ordered. We enquired on how long this would take. The rocket scientist ("I'll get back to you after I check with my manager" or file my nails or learn to read) at County (TV and Appliance "A Family Run Store") told us 3 and one-half weeks. Good luck. What part of 10 times on 2 washers in 5 years did they not understand? The part had "already been ordered" and was clearly coming by lama, as it was going to take 2 weeks and could not be rushed. Then, Schneider, the handy man resurrected from "One day at a Time" could not get to us (clearly due to the fact that his syndicated show had been cancelled 30 years ago) for another week-and-a-half.
-Business is good at County as they did not need to "hustle" at all to help a family of 6 who might be in the market at different points in time for an unknowable amount of tv's, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, etc. Business must be good or they must be lazy, or both.
-No washing machine for 3-and-a-half weeks. My son would be excited, if he even noticed. The laundry room would become a weigh station for my wardrobe. The car would log a couple hundred thousand miles jaunting between whatever dark ally the local Camelot laundromat is located down. What won't happen is me, my family or any of my friends ever buying as much as a mint at County TV and Appliances.
-Nice job, guys, and thanks for the local, "family run service". As those of you who read this know: "karma is a boomerang".
- As such, I'd like to introduce my oldest son to the washing machine. He knows where it is, but seems to think it is magic not a machine that the dirty clothes he drops in the dirty laundry divider (not often successfully, as he, and his 3 siblings seem inexorably to have difficulty understanding the separation of whites and darks) which ensures his clothes come back to him clean, folded and fresh (again, I am not fully convinced he notices that the clothes are folded or fresh and not sure he cares). On some days, I'd like to make sure my son even knows that changing his clothes is something civil human beings do. He has been frequently known to wear his pajamas underneath the clothes he wears to school, as it saves him time in the morning - not having to shed a layer before adding a layer. He even, a couple of nights ago, was proud to announce that the pajamas he was wearing under his sport coat and shirt were the same ones he had worn for 3 days (I cringe to think of this when considering the time and effort my wife goes to get his laundry done). Eldest son, washing machine. Washing machine, eldest son. Good to meet you both.
-Civility in changing one's clothes, though, is not possible when one does not have a working washing machine, which leads me to "dis-service". My wife and I use local merchants where we can. We do not feel the need to go to some big box, no brain chain. Stores where the "salesman" are really no more than dogs wired to a bell. Ring the bell and they "scratch". Where they know nothing about the product they are selling and will tell you anything you want to hear to make "a sale". Where you get exactly what you pay for: nothing but the tin box you are buying and a hope that there is no mechanical issue which c ould cause you to need "service".
-We go to the local merchants because they, in theory not always in application, take a measure of pride in their service of the community and customers to which they are selling. They understand their inability to offer the absolute lowest dollar (on the basis of uncompetitive volume purchases relative to the big box) will garner customers on the basis of their ability to be an asset to those customers. My dry cleaner is one such local business as is the book store and the stationer ' s. One which is not is the appliance store: County TV and Appliances in Stamford, CT for those of you wanting to avoid an open sore on the face of consumer friendly retailing.
-My wife and I have been back from London for a little over 5 years now (London the land of no customer service). In that time, we have had 2 washing machines. We have had those 2 washing machines serviced 10 times due to mechanical failure (yes, count them, 10 times). The first machine was replace under warranty on the 7th fault. County and Whirlpool admitted: "it was a lemon". We took the credit, paid up, and bought yet a "better" Whirlpool from County (that is County TV and appliance in Stamford. CT for those of you might have missed it the first time) . This week, after just over a year, we called for service on the second machine for the 3rd time. The problem was that the machine turned on, made a "whirrrr" sound and nothing else. No washed clothes. No nothing, but a strange noise.
-We called County (TV and Appliance at 2770 Summer Street, Stamford, southeastern Connecticut) . They offered to send out a service man in a week or so. [ If you have 4 kids and live in suburbia, a week or so is approximately 23 trips to the laundromat - which I believe my town of Camelot actually has, though I have no idea where it is ] . We fortunately remembered their o-so-speedy service and had our own "certified" service company in hand who rushed out only to tell us that a "large part" needed to be ordered. We enquired on how long this would take. The rocket scientist ("I'll get back to you after I check with my manager" or file my nails or learn to read) at County (TV and Appliance "A Family Run Store") told us 3 and one-half weeks. Good luck. What part of 10 times on 2 washers in 5 years did they not understand? The part had "already been ordered" and was clearly coming by lama, as it was going to take 2 weeks and could not be rushed. Then, Schneider, the handy man resurrected from "One day at a Time" could not get to us (clearly due to the fact that his syndicated show had been cancelled 30 years ago) for another week-and-a-half.
-Business is good at County as they did not need to "hustle" at all to help a family of 6 who might be in the market at different points in time for an unknowable amount of tv's, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, etc. Business must be good or they must be lazy, or both.
-No washing machine for 3-and-a-half weeks. My son would be excited, if he even noticed. The laundry room would become a weigh station for my wardrobe. The car would log a couple hundred thousand miles jaunting between whatever dark ally the local Camelot laundromat is located down. What won't happen is me, my family or any of my friends ever buying as much as a mint at County TV and Appliances.
-Nice job, guys, and thanks for the local, "family run service". As those of you who read this know: "karma is a boomerang".
Thursday, February 10, 2011
-Sanchez
-I could have added an adjective to Mark Sanchez's first name as the header to today's column, but that would have been too easy.
-We have discussed the stupidity of pro athletes before, and seemingly will in perpetuity.
-Here again, is a kid who thinks he is God and had the decision making skills of a 7 year old. Look who his coach is and what example he has set. We have discussed his behavior. Look at the penalties for bad decisions in the NFL. Slap the wrist the first time and then you are done, until you are not, 3 or 4 times. Roger Goodell, you are the man.
-It is pathetic. All that money and no brains. And, I don't buy that argument that she looked older than she was, or that she was consenting. Kids are dumb. They post things about themselves that no one should know or see on things like Facebook with no thought to the long term consequences. The get tattoo's and don't think about how they will look at 40 (which is not to say that all tattoo's are bad, but I wonder how many women will rethink their lower back "stamps" when they are 50 and that skin is sagging, turning an ornate flower into a pile of weeds). Kids are kids. They look before they leap. That is why we expect adults to raise children and set an example not the other way around (then again, we have Congressmen posting their half naked pictures on Craig's List soliciting companionship when they are married, and in office).
-Maybe the world is about to stop spinning on its axis. Maybe the apocalypse is here (after all, given the weather we have had this winter here and "down under", maybe you should be thinking about what boots should replace your snow or rain boots for the "plague of locusts" boots).
-Mark Sanchez is an idiot, but he is not alone. He follows a long line of idiots who, having coasted through what should have been a real academic opportunity fortified by their athletic abilities, got nothing more than a contract which they could barley sign without the help of their agent.
-By the way, Dirty, you have not won anything yet. As Senator Bentsen said (slightly paraphrased and liberalized for context): "I knew Joe Namath, and you, son, are no Joe Namath".
-We have discussed the stupidity of pro athletes before, and seemingly will in perpetuity.
-Here again, is a kid who thinks he is God and had the decision making skills of a 7 year old. Look who his coach is and what example he has set. We have discussed his behavior. Look at the penalties for bad decisions in the NFL. Slap the wrist the first time and then you are done, until you are not, 3 or 4 times. Roger Goodell, you are the man.
-It is pathetic. All that money and no brains. And, I don't buy that argument that she looked older than she was, or that she was consenting. Kids are dumb. They post things about themselves that no one should know or see on things like Facebook with no thought to the long term consequences. The get tattoo's and don't think about how they will look at 40 (which is not to say that all tattoo's are bad, but I wonder how many women will rethink their lower back "stamps" when they are 50 and that skin is sagging, turning an ornate flower into a pile of weeds). Kids are kids. They look before they leap. That is why we expect adults to raise children and set an example not the other way around (then again, we have Congressmen posting their half naked pictures on Craig's List soliciting companionship when they are married, and in office).
-Maybe the world is about to stop spinning on its axis. Maybe the apocalypse is here (after all, given the weather we have had this winter here and "down under", maybe you should be thinking about what boots should replace your snow or rain boots for the "plague of locusts" boots).
-Mark Sanchez is an idiot, but he is not alone. He follows a long line of idiots who, having coasted through what should have been a real academic opportunity fortified by their athletic abilities, got nothing more than a contract which they could barley sign without the help of their agent.
-By the way, Dirty, you have not won anything yet. As Senator Bentsen said (slightly paraphrased and liberalized for context): "I knew Joe Namath, and you, son, are no Joe Namath".
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
God Bless...
-O say can you see? Hell yeah. I can see and I can hear. I can leap to my feet, stand at attention, strain to hit a high note and shed a tear.
-I can understand the sacrifices given. I can count my blessings for the safety and comfort provided by those who stand in bastions far and away to protect not only us at home but the beliefs by which we live and which are, every day, attacked by those who seek to spread fear, chaos and ignorance.
-I can appreciate the principals by which our founding fathers, having set aside their families, their ploughs, their stable lives, sought to create what is, despite its imperfections, a "more perfect union". I can thank God that they bonded together and fought through tyranny and injustice to create a nation which respects the rights of the individual in equal and unbiased representation; that they quashed those elements that sought to rip our fledging union apart and rallied our citizens to seek that manifest destiny, which calls us to every corner of our borders and each corner of the world.
-I say a prayer of thanks each and every day for those who now serve in Iraq, Afghanistan, South Korea and elsewhere to maintain the bulkheads on the ship that is democracy. I owe thanks to those who stood before them at Tripoli and Verdun, Normandy and Inchon. I believe in their just cause and chain of command.
-I know we are all good of heart and brave of soul. No matter what our differences, I know we are all Americans. I know we cherish inalienable rights and stand, when brought together by opposing forces, shoulder-to-shoulder in defense of our land,our children and our legacy
-I can understand the sacrifices given. I can count my blessings for the safety and comfort provided by those who stand in bastions far and away to protect not only us at home but the beliefs by which we live and which are, every day, attacked by those who seek to spread fear, chaos and ignorance.
-I can appreciate the principals by which our founding fathers, having set aside their families, their ploughs, their stable lives, sought to create what is, despite its imperfections, a "more perfect union". I can thank God that they bonded together and fought through tyranny and injustice to create a nation which respects the rights of the individual in equal and unbiased representation; that they quashed those elements that sought to rip our fledging union apart and rallied our citizens to seek that manifest destiny, which calls us to every corner of our borders and each corner of the world.
-I say a prayer of thanks each and every day for those who now serve in Iraq, Afghanistan, South Korea and elsewhere to maintain the bulkheads on the ship that is democracy. I owe thanks to those who stood before them at Tripoli and Verdun, Normandy and Inchon. I believe in their just cause and chain of command.
-I know we are all good of heart and brave of soul. No matter what our differences, I know we are all Americans. I know we cherish inalienable rights and stand, when brought together by opposing forces, shoulder-to-shoulder in defense of our land,our children and our legacy
Friday, February 4, 2011
-The Inventor of the Internet and Other Lies
-Our boy and recent Tennessee divorcee, Al Gore, has decided to stop chasing tail, having divorced Tipper (I’ll tell you a funny story about their relationship later), in order to respond to Bill O’Reilly on why “global warming” has produced one of the snowiest and most diabolic winters in the northeast. Of course, the Tennessee tick hound responded via his blog, because what else could possibly be a more appropriate means of communication for the “father of the internet” than a blog?
-Al said, in response, that: “as it turns out, the scientific community has been addressing this particular question for some time now, and they say increased heavy snowfalls are completely consistent with what they have been predicting as a consequence of man-made global warming”.
-First, Al, where is this “community”? Did a group of scientists move in to a row of abandoned crack houses in Detroit from which they issue communiqués? Or are they scooping up foreclosed haciendas in suburban Arizona in some sort of hippie-reminiscent collective in which they have assembled their test-tubes and electrodes? Why does Al insist on using the sweeping generality of “a scientific community”? Not all “scientists” agree. It is one thing to take a poll. It is another to throw out all the results you don’t agree with. Guess what everyone in America likes vanilla ice cream more than chocolate, and if you do not agree, well, then, you don’t count. I am not saying that there is not a true divide amongst the real experts in this field. I am just saying that Al Gore is no expert.
-Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the concept of global warming. There is little question we have, and continue, to pollute our planet in more ways than a small brain like mine can even conceive (it makes me think of the old 1970s commercial with the Indian who cries a tear at some rubbish thrown at his feet). We should be ashamed at how much we consume and then discard without thought for the long term consequences. Think “Wall-E” for all of you have kids. It is a scary thought. That said, I am not terribly worried about my descendants exiting the planet on a Walmart constructed interplanetary vehicle only to become giant “Jello” pops.
-Gore, the great prognosticator, in his response to Bill O’Reilly (an equally unhinged human being) went on to say that the rise in global temperatures (also known as global warming, Al) is creating “all sorts of havoc”. In havoc does he mean the overthrow of the Egyptian government, the currency crisis of the EU, or the inability of Lindsey Lohan and Charlie Sheen to stay out of rehab (actually, here is thought: Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan should get married and just move into the Betty Ford or the Priory for their honeymoon). Way to narrow it down, Al. Weather is weather. We have it whether we like it or not (as my Dad used to say. He, my Dad, also used to say “Chile today, hot tamale”).
-I always love sweeping predictions. It is like economists (which seems particularly this morning – nice consensus call on payroll sand way to think that the weather might not have an impact on the numbers looking for jobs this past month in snow boots and parkas). The longer you keep making the same prediction, the more likely it is to finally come true.
-While Al has his backers in the “scientific community” (we can all find a chiropractor but can we find a doctor – the value of the degree is a couple hundred thousand dollars and a number of invested years). So, when Al points to his crew of climatologists, I am somewhat skeptical. After all, this is the guy who claimed he invented the internet, a guy whose home (despite his “Inconvenient Truth”) is the largest private residence consumer of energy in the state of Tennessee (look that little tidbit up yourself). This is the guy who was married to Tipper and then packed her in after his political career ended (not that he should not have sooner). This is the guy that left-leaning (so far leaning and deluded that when they tip the boat over to the port side they consider drinking from the sea) Hollywood gave him an Oscar for his movie and a standing ovation. Noticeable in the front row of this crowd of intellectuals, in his praise that night, were a number of luminaries who had promised to leave the country when W was re-elected. They did not. Unfortunately (I had volunteered to buy some one way tickets. They clearly passed). But I digress.
-Al Gore is a buffoon. His fantastic claims of achievements not his own and his general girth discredit the cause for which he cries [As the aside I promised, the story of a friend whose wife made Tipper’s dress for the first inauguration of that famed Clinton/Gore ticket, goes as follows. At the inauguration before his death, Al’s father, Al Senior, a noted boozehound, walked up to the two couples – Al and Tipper and my friend and his wife, the seamstress. When the friend’s wife was introduced as the maker of Tipper’s dress, Al Senior’s response was supposedly: “Let me shake the hand of the woman that could fit that rear in that dress”).
-In the end, I think Al should sit back on that favorite coach out on his front porch and admire his combustible engine transport decommissioned (his car on cinder blocks) and realize what he is, a pig farmer from Tennessee whose 15 minutes of fame are up. Me, I’ll get back to shoveling my “global warming” snow.
-Al said, in response, that: “as it turns out, the scientific community has been addressing this particular question for some time now, and they say increased heavy snowfalls are completely consistent with what they have been predicting as a consequence of man-made global warming”.
-First, Al, where is this “community”? Did a group of scientists move in to a row of abandoned crack houses in Detroit from which they issue communiqués? Or are they scooping up foreclosed haciendas in suburban Arizona in some sort of hippie-reminiscent collective in which they have assembled their test-tubes and electrodes? Why does Al insist on using the sweeping generality of “a scientific community”? Not all “scientists” agree. It is one thing to take a poll. It is another to throw out all the results you don’t agree with. Guess what everyone in America likes vanilla ice cream more than chocolate, and if you do not agree, well, then, you don’t count. I am not saying that there is not a true divide amongst the real experts in this field. I am just saying that Al Gore is no expert.
-Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the concept of global warming. There is little question we have, and continue, to pollute our planet in more ways than a small brain like mine can even conceive (it makes me think of the old 1970s commercial with the Indian who cries a tear at some rubbish thrown at his feet). We should be ashamed at how much we consume and then discard without thought for the long term consequences. Think “Wall-E” for all of you have kids. It is a scary thought. That said, I am not terribly worried about my descendants exiting the planet on a Walmart constructed interplanetary vehicle only to become giant “Jello” pops.
-Gore, the great prognosticator, in his response to Bill O’Reilly (an equally unhinged human being) went on to say that the rise in global temperatures (also known as global warming, Al) is creating “all sorts of havoc”. In havoc does he mean the overthrow of the Egyptian government, the currency crisis of the EU, or the inability of Lindsey Lohan and Charlie Sheen to stay out of rehab (actually, here is thought: Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan should get married and just move into the Betty Ford or the Priory for their honeymoon). Way to narrow it down, Al. Weather is weather. We have it whether we like it or not (as my Dad used to say. He, my Dad, also used to say “Chile today, hot tamale”).
-I always love sweeping predictions. It is like economists (which seems particularly this morning – nice consensus call on payroll sand way to think that the weather might not have an impact on the numbers looking for jobs this past month in snow boots and parkas). The longer you keep making the same prediction, the more likely it is to finally come true.
-While Al has his backers in the “scientific community” (we can all find a chiropractor but can we find a doctor – the value of the degree is a couple hundred thousand dollars and a number of invested years). So, when Al points to his crew of climatologists, I am somewhat skeptical. After all, this is the guy who claimed he invented the internet, a guy whose home (despite his “Inconvenient Truth”) is the largest private residence consumer of energy in the state of Tennessee (look that little tidbit up yourself). This is the guy who was married to Tipper and then packed her in after his political career ended (not that he should not have sooner). This is the guy that left-leaning (so far leaning and deluded that when they tip the boat over to the port side they consider drinking from the sea) Hollywood gave him an Oscar for his movie and a standing ovation. Noticeable in the front row of this crowd of intellectuals, in his praise that night, were a number of luminaries who had promised to leave the country when W was re-elected. They did not. Unfortunately (I had volunteered to buy some one way tickets. They clearly passed). But I digress.
-Al Gore is a buffoon. His fantastic claims of achievements not his own and his general girth discredit the cause for which he cries [As the aside I promised, the story of a friend whose wife made Tipper’s dress for the first inauguration of that famed Clinton/Gore ticket, goes as follows. At the inauguration before his death, Al’s father, Al Senior, a noted boozehound, walked up to the two couples – Al and Tipper and my friend and his wife, the seamstress. When the friend’s wife was introduced as the maker of Tipper’s dress, Al Senior’s response was supposedly: “Let me shake the hand of the woman that could fit that rear in that dress”).
-In the end, I think Al should sit back on that favorite coach out on his front porch and admire his combustible engine transport decommissioned (his car on cinder blocks) and realize what he is, a pig farmer from Tennessee whose 15 minutes of fame are up. Me, I’ll get back to shoveling my “global warming” snow.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Bourbon
-My drink of choice is that dark amber, Kentucky whiskey. Not to be confused with that Tennessee swill named Jack, bourbon may only be called that if made in Kentucky – similar to the fact that only that sparking wine may be called champagne that hails from the namesake region of France. While no one will confuse Kentucky for France, bourbon is a nectar enjoyed straight, on the rocks, with ginger ale or coke, sometimes even in a glass.
-I like my bourbon with Coke, actually Pepsi. I like the extra sugar associated with Pepsi, as opposed to Coke, and I like that blend of sweetness with the smoky grain of the bourbon. I like that smooth burn as the bourbon heads south and helps me to relax. I like the smell which makes me think of college and friends and some of the favorite bars in the collage of my life in which my familiarity means I do not need to order but merely whisk a Cheshire smile to the barkeep to ensure my glass is poured.
- I own about 30 different brands of bourbon. I like them all. They come in names most of us know like “Makers Mark” or “Bakers” or Bookers”, but also in names like “Rocky Cock” or “Ten CC”, “Big Chief” and Pappy Van Winkle”. Their tastes are as different as their names or bottle shapes and sizes. Like a wine, they are blended (the mash) and set in casks which add a huskiness or lightness, depending on how handled, and have noticeably different aromas and tastes. Some bite and some wash like velvet down your throat, leaving a trace burn of warmth.
-I have had my own battles with vodkas or tequilas but found that they were just that: battles. They work in grander drinks like margaritas (not that this is a “grand” drink, per se) or screwdrivers and martinis, but these take too much work. Bourbon metered over ice with a splash of my favorite soft drink, in its simplicity, is the best. It conjures the definition of “good ole boy”, which might be a stretch for me some days but I can assure you is a place I like to find at day’s end or on the weekends. It is porch and ceiling fan, a dog at your feet and the drone of a baseball game echoing from inside the house. It is the barbeque smoking up the neighborhood, which you must tend but only long enough to ensure the ice in your glass never melts enough to water down your mix. It is an old pair of cowboy boots with soles that have split and blue jeans your wife would wish you would get rid of: holey and frayed. It is comfort.
-I like my bourbon with Coke, actually Pepsi. I like the extra sugar associated with Pepsi, as opposed to Coke, and I like that blend of sweetness with the smoky grain of the bourbon. I like that smooth burn as the bourbon heads south and helps me to relax. I like the smell which makes me think of college and friends and some of the favorite bars in the collage of my life in which my familiarity means I do not need to order but merely whisk a Cheshire smile to the barkeep to ensure my glass is poured.
- I own about 30 different brands of bourbon. I like them all. They come in names most of us know like “Makers Mark” or “Bakers” or Bookers”, but also in names like “Rocky Cock” or “Ten CC”, “Big Chief” and Pappy Van Winkle”. Their tastes are as different as their names or bottle shapes and sizes. Like a wine, they are blended (the mash) and set in casks which add a huskiness or lightness, depending on how handled, and have noticeably different aromas and tastes. Some bite and some wash like velvet down your throat, leaving a trace burn of warmth.
-I have had my own battles with vodkas or tequilas but found that they were just that: battles. They work in grander drinks like margaritas (not that this is a “grand” drink, per se) or screwdrivers and martinis, but these take too much work. Bourbon metered over ice with a splash of my favorite soft drink, in its simplicity, is the best. It conjures the definition of “good ole boy”, which might be a stretch for me some days but I can assure you is a place I like to find at day’s end or on the weekends. It is porch and ceiling fan, a dog at your feet and the drone of a baseball game echoing from inside the house. It is the barbeque smoking up the neighborhood, which you must tend but only long enough to ensure the ice in your glass never melts enough to water down your mix. It is an old pair of cowboy boots with soles that have split and blue jeans your wife would wish you would get rid of: holey and frayed. It is comfort.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Enough
-Clearly no one read yesterday’s editorial which is okay. It was largely a self-indulging, self-reflective mood swing. Boarding a flight from sunny southern California to head back east will do that to you.
-As I sat by the pool this past weekend, or took a couple turns plying the pipeline (pipe more like the pvc you’d find under your sink than anything of the size hooked to the town sewer) out west, I really questioned why the heck I live in New England. Yes, I know seasons are great: spring and the bloom, fall and the leaves, summer and the fireflies and barbeques. Its all good. Then there is winter, and it sucks. -I play hockey, as many of you know, religiously. Some would argue that the rink is my cathedral and I am often heard yelling at God, or at least my teammates. But I don’t need to play hockey outdoors in twelve feet of snow and sub zero temperatures. I am just as happy to travel from my air conditioned car in shorts and flip flops, laden by a hockey bag and sticks to a well refrigerated igloo of indoor ice. I am just as happy to kneel at an altar of an artificially created pew (often a penalty box) to worship. I do not need to be out in the elements. The rink and my teammates are the only elements I need.
-This winter, though, I, and my New England brethren, have had to endure a nightmarish weather scene. Snow piled upon snow and cold upon cold. I clearly think that global warming (and, no, I do not need some scientific explanation and formulation about the true impact of a global warming leading to increased moisture, blah, blah, blah) has missed the northeast. I have seen some nearly 6 feet of snow which has been plowed into piles along the road which completely obscure houses. I have a dog who cries because my backyard has drifts of nearly 8 feet locking her into an area the size of a picnic table (and I have shoveled that at least 5 times now, struggling to keep that small space free of snow). I have icicles that extend from the roofline to the ground (almost). The bushes have long since wilted to the snowdrifts and lie buried like coffins in a white graveyard. I am sick of snow. I am sick of the cold. I have had…
-Enough. Enough is getting back on that plane to southern California. We have an office in Manhattan Beach. And while, I have no implants and would not consider any, unless there are now brain donors out there, I’d welcome a good stretch by the pool or on the beach, or at least sitting in a backyard that is only covered in green grass.
-As I sat by the pool this past weekend, or took a couple turns plying the pipeline (pipe more like the pvc you’d find under your sink than anything of the size hooked to the town sewer) out west, I really questioned why the heck I live in New England. Yes, I know seasons are great: spring and the bloom, fall and the leaves, summer and the fireflies and barbeques. Its all good. Then there is winter, and it sucks. -I play hockey, as many of you know, religiously. Some would argue that the rink is my cathedral and I am often heard yelling at God, or at least my teammates. But I don’t need to play hockey outdoors in twelve feet of snow and sub zero temperatures. I am just as happy to travel from my air conditioned car in shorts and flip flops, laden by a hockey bag and sticks to a well refrigerated igloo of indoor ice. I am just as happy to kneel at an altar of an artificially created pew (often a penalty box) to worship. I do not need to be out in the elements. The rink and my teammates are the only elements I need.
-This winter, though, I, and my New England brethren, have had to endure a nightmarish weather scene. Snow piled upon snow and cold upon cold. I clearly think that global warming (and, no, I do not need some scientific explanation and formulation about the true impact of a global warming leading to increased moisture, blah, blah, blah) has missed the northeast. I have seen some nearly 6 feet of snow which has been plowed into piles along the road which completely obscure houses. I have a dog who cries because my backyard has drifts of nearly 8 feet locking her into an area the size of a picnic table (and I have shoveled that at least 5 times now, struggling to keep that small space free of snow). I have icicles that extend from the roofline to the ground (almost). The bushes have long since wilted to the snowdrifts and lie buried like coffins in a white graveyard. I am sick of snow. I am sick of the cold. I have had…
-Enough. Enough is getting back on that plane to southern California. We have an office in Manhattan Beach. And while, I have no implants and would not consider any, unless there are now brain donors out there, I’d welcome a good stretch by the pool or on the beach, or at least sitting in a backyard that is only covered in green grass.
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